IN THE FURNACE OF EYGPT

As Much Afraid walked with her companions Sorrow and Suffering, she emerged from the wilderness. "...for something had happened to her in the wilderness which had left a mark upon her for the rest of her life. It was an inner and secret mark, and no one would have noticed any difference outwardly, but all the same, a deep inner change had taken place which indicated a new stage in her life." (Hinds' Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard p. 94)

THE LETTER

I recently received a letter from an old friend whom I'd met during my "Philadelphia Years." These were the years I'd spent getting an M.Div. from Westminster Theological Seminary http://www.wts.edu/ and then hanging out in Philadelphia and New York (1986 - 1996). This time was an exercise in contrasts for me. On one side of the coin it was a time for incredible emotional, intellectual, and spiritual growth. A time of moving outside the box and seeing more of the world. But the other side of the coin was etched with conflict, difficulties, sorrow and fear. In her letter, my friend Karen asks, "Is your time in Pennsylvania a distant bad memory? I feel like you had such a hard time there. But maybe you have a very different perspective."

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL

Karen was a friend who walked along side me during many difficult circumstances and offered her help and support in situations where I felt defeated with nowhere to turn. I'd like to say that I faced this time in my life with grace, dignity and the confidence that God would deliver. But... that was not the case. In fact, it was a time when my views about God (who He is and how He acts) and myself were shaken to the core. My constant companions on this part of my journey were Sorrow and Fear & Trembling. As I went through my "dark night of the soul," gone were the zealous, evangelistic, arrogant days of my youthful Christianity. My continual refrain, "Why?"

AWAY FROM THE HIGH PLACES; INTO THE FURNACE

Now... I wish I were able to say that I faced these years with resolute faith in God that He would deliver. I'd like to say that my faith never wavered and that I was confident of God's love and faithfulness. But the reality is that I responded much like Hurnard's character Much-Afraid who lives in the village of Much-Trembling with her relatives the Fearings. There comes a point on her journey when the Shepherd reveals to Much-Afraid that her path leads away from the high Places. Much-Afraid is devastated, because it looks as if the Shepherd is not only breaking His promise to lead her to the High Places, but is also flaunting this betrayal before her by leading her in the exact opposite direction. Down... down... lower they descend into the deserts of Egypt.

Much-Afraid felt as though he had stabbed her to the heart. "You mean," she said incredulously, "you really mean that I am to follow that path down and down into that wilderness and then over that desert, away from the mountains indefinitely? Why" (and there was a sob of anguish in her voice) it may be months, even years, before that path leads back to the mountains again. O Shepherd, do you mean it is indefinite postponement?" ...Much-Afraid sank on her knees at his feet, almost overwhelmed. He was leading her away from her heart's desire altogether and gave no promise at all as to when he would bring her back." (Hurnard p. 82;83)

I know that heart-sicknesses... that awful knowledge that the only One who can save you... is the very One who seems to be leading you astray... what a betrayal! To whom can you turn?

Furnace cont...